Every single time....

Being a fool
That's what's called
when you fall for someone
You believe in everything and more....
My advice, then...
Say "So long, honey...
Go break someone else's heart,
And tear its heart apart"
As love's supposed to be
Close that door.
Walk away without regrets,
no looking back
You're in the right path,
Cause you've got all you need inside yourself.
Just look deep into it.
No "love" can fill in the blanks.
It only makes it hurt more.
Blanks you think you've got in your heart.
But if you're sure it's damaged somehow
Stitch it yourself.
Do not depend on anyone to be happy.
Do not throw your choices and freedom on something unworthy.

Cause it hurts really bad...and it happens every single time....

A Fallen Angel's New Sweetie

Odds are that devil's arms caught me again
Grabing me,, scratching me
Trying to drown my lungs with pure sulfur
And blood keep scoring down fromallover my body
An endless red waterfall....

There's no struggle anymore from me...
Just let it be...
It thrills me to know I'm still wanted afterall
Pretty soon the desires will take over ....
He promisses rubies as shiny and beautiful as his own eyes...
Said to match with my emerald ones

On my slavy golden leash....
How to refuse...
When there's nothing left out there
Or in here, inside of me....

He said he can love too, you know....
In his own way and terms.....
And Lord.....How I miss being loved!
No matter how now...

Holding hands we walk through flames
In his throne we find our destination...
So I bound to his majesty...
And wish it can fill my wholes at last...

Enough of fears, dreams, doubts and hopes...
I let him have his fun out of me
I'm already trapped at will
Cause it's divine never feeling or being alone again.
Although the circunstances never to be understood by most

Nevermind, no one knows how I have had been living all my life.

TOO LATE

tary night above us
We sat together for the first time
I felt the warmth of your arms
You felt my skin ceawl
It was a cold winter in july
And we couldn't know why
Life decided to cross our paths...
And as beautiful as it was
I didn't care much about us.
And now here we are.
But I miss so very much....
I do miss staring at the moon with you
I miss laughing at your sudden excitments
Your innocent looks
Handling my complicated moods....
And even not knowing the reason
I put myself in a prison
And locked you outside without a key.
But I miss....
I do miss you playing for me
And I failing while trying to sing....
Your body layind down on my wrinkled blanket...
While I served you coffee in bed....
I miss your hands caressing my face....
And wiping away the tears the scored down...
From all the fucked things I've built on my own.....
Now I know we should've never been apart
Cause we are what we are...
One of each other.....
We could never have gotten apart....

too late now

JUST A THOUGHT

Trapped in an awkward loop
Trying to get saved from my silly inner thoughts....
That come visit me from time to time.
And whenever I look at you....
It's torturing....
Your pale skin as snow...
These deep black eyes as cole
And the movement of your lips...so sweet
When you cacth your fears and dreams
And turn them into melody.
But you swear by the Gods you're heartless
And I totally disagree....I can see you from who you are....
But I'm tired of falling for you....
And seeing no hands to help lifting me up
I'm done with writing you stuff from the heart...
Stuff that you'll never even read
Cause words won't be enough anyway
So I'll put my feelings to sleep
Then I'll be numb....
And It'l be all gone.
So I hope....
I beg in these poor written words,
That it'll be gone
Deep inside I know I'll be fine for this while
On my own...
All Alone.

Kinda like nameless

I was scared and ran away
Didn't know how to deal with it
I watched you suffocate on your own pain
And cowardness taking over me....
Saw myself being someone I didn't want....wasn't supposed to be...
I wanted you for my own, being satisfied with only this knowledge....
That's so freakin' messy......jealousy and possesssion...
It's inside of me everytime it's about you...
And I know things will carry on being the same...
And I'll keep hiding and watching from the distance....
Painfully watching.....
I'm sorry I can't be the one.

- "I'm a creep"

PUZZLE LIFE

Back on the days, people used to tell me that life is this giant puzzle game...at least it could be seen that way...and we should find the pieces to put them all together and fill in the blanks so it would aaallll make sense somehow.
A person could be a piece to fit, a career, a marriage, love, family, a car, plans, even a piece of furniture...who knows?!....
Well, in my whole childhood I played jigsaw puzzles and stuff....but that's different. When you're all grown up, it gets pretty hard to recognize what might actually fit in your "game".
Those pieces are complicated to find nowadays, and sometimes you don't like what you find but it suddenly fits.
Unfortunately, you never know what you're exactly looking for....you're just searching blindly, and most of the times it's missing a bunch of "whatevers"and it can take a lifetime for you to cross into them......so the emptiness remains. Those blanked spots in the middle of your board are really annoying. I know, I know...it's hard to accept it. but you can't take anything and try putting it in there just so you can finish it quickly.
The ones who have no patience aren't really ready to understand it and play. Are you?
Sorry, but that's life....some had said.....

HIGH SEAS

He was left alone at that boat
Floating on a sea made of tears
Dragged by unmanageable feelings
Suffocated in his own breathing

The sky above was shiny and gold
He kept staring at it till the darkness showed up
It was fascinating how loud his heart could beat
Drums announcing an upcoming inner storm....

He watched his beard grow day by day....
He felt his soul shrink little by little....
A prisioner of life's joke.

He loved more than he could bear
And he jumped into sail without care
Would he ever go back to shore? Did he want to?
He decided he couldn't live like that anymore

The sky's colors were so amazingly bright
Till he saw himself in solitude.
So he grabbed his pocketknife and carved on the wooden mast...
Something never to be read again....

If he jumped afterwards...that's unknown...
Those words.....well, they'll be there on that same boat
High seas...
For someone from somewhere, for somehow......always to ship on.

....

Disapointment...
Hate...
Shame...
Catastrophy...
Mess...
Trash....
Stupidity...
Cowardness...
Blindness...
Mediocracy...
Self-pity....
Selfishness...
Fear...
Crazyness....
Failure....
Deepness....
Feelings....
.......in a box.....
..........................Me.

WHAT WAS LEFT....

It's like pleasure beside you

Joy and fun

A strange feeling embracing me 

For so long I wished there was some more

From you to me

Now there won't be anything

from me to you

Cause I felt like you're the other half

But time isn't right

Place is never right

And  I don't wanna see

Don't want to see......ever again...

Your will to self destruction

Your runaways from happiness

Your power to confuse our minds...

Sniffing through my hair

Holding my hands tight

Bringing me security and peace.....

In a second fraction you lead me to darkness, though

That's enough

No more. There will be no more....

Just nothing.....left of us.

too complicated.......

UNEXPECTEDLY....

There are few good things that happen in an unlucky person's life that can actually be noticeable by these ones in particular. Perceiving isn't a common or well-known ability in these people's head, you know. But then, as I recognize myself, at last, as a belonging of this group, I struggle to do so.
These last few months showed me a new perspective in life. Life, as we know it, brought me a valuable gift. A friend, a confident, the best companionship I could've ever wished for. Not funnily enough, it sort of became more than that, which can and could be a hell of a problem, but we're handling it as we can and should anyway.
It's very hard nowadays to find someone we can count on, trust and feel comfortable as never to dismantle any subject or atomic bomb that comes to the table. Well, be jealous, cause I got it.
Luckly, the unlucky one had its share of kindness from life. And I'm learning to value it as much as I can, cause I see it as a true treasure. So, I'm treasuring it.
Thanx, life, and thank YOU so much for your existance on the face of the earth, more precisely, in a squared area next to me! ^^

A DAY GOIN' BY....

She could've made a call. Decided to keep it all in. Ita was all spinning around her and she didn't care. Got some paper and crayon.....nothing came out. She got her cell phone...then put it away....Sat on the floor n held her knees.....Facing the wall, staring at nothing.....trying to breathe....Thought of her long gone plans.....her life was ahead of her.....but she couldn't make up her mind.....Half na hour passed.....she made some coffee....got her ciggarette pack.....went out to see the sun...it was a brigh shinning day outside....it was dark and could in the inside....no expressions. She was craving for the rain...in vain. Stared at the cell phone again...and left it there.Went to take a shower....wash it all out....half na hour passed again....would'n use the dryer, but combed her hair....ten, twenty, thirty fucking times...and it didn't seem right. Got some more coffee, another ciggarette.....looked up in the mirror....didn't care. She sat and daydreamed.....she sat and fell asleep.....too long for her to stand. She woke up a little hungry.....she wouldn't make a snack.....felt sick, numb.....she laid down on the floor....analyzed the paintings on her room....it sucked! Na hour went by.....she took a deep breath. Turned on the radio, threw some paper on the trash...together with her thoughts......it was already six o'clock. Her son arrived from school...And God put a smile on her face.

And it never ends....

I'm starting to be scared
About what's inside of me
Trying not to be taken
By what merely seems
I feel stuck, can't move forward
And as talks go by
I see you don't even bother...
I'm glad you're ok,
I feel fine knowing you're actually happy.
It's just that my mind's always wondering
why couldn't it be me
But there are no worries.
I got used to the thing
shut and lock, then there goes the problem
For a while at least.
And I keep step by step
Living the life I'm supposed to live
Being myself, trying to be free
Wishing you're doing exactly the same
Cause there's no mistake
On throwing it all in the arms of time
I'm no longer in charge....
But I won't fall.

Back to Black

Volto  escrever por não conseguir mais conter o dilúvio de sentimentos dentro de mim. Volto a escrever carne e sangue dos cortes que me ferem. Sou feliz, no entanto. E querendo permanecer nesse estado absoluto de harmonia, preciso jogar fora toda a dor que assombra minha alma. E pintar mais e mais com minhas palavras. Preciso respirar, preciso expirar.